Recipient Story – Krista
When it storms, we will dance in the rain … and dancing we are.
This journey is not for the faint of heart…and the ups and downs eat at your soul. It has forever changed us. Infertility has challenged during our relationship, questioned our faith, crushed our spirits, clouded our dreams and frustrates us daily.
We have had to search in every corner to continue to still hope, and tie knots at the end of numerous ropes to hang on. This struggle has been the most difficult thing we have ever done, but amidst all the dark times, we always after each set back … have stepped back to appreciate the blessings we do have, find the silver linings and come out into the rain to embrace the journey and keep dancing. This has helped us to keep the hope alive and this is our mantra.
My husband and I have been married for 7 years and started trying to have a baby 2 years after we got married. I am a labor and delivery nurse. We do the most deliveries in the state, and rank very high in the country averaging at about 8-10,000 babies a year. Talk about complete confusion and frustration. Where do these babies come from!!! I have taken care of some of the unhealthiest patients I have ever seen, and they conceive at the drop of a hat. I spend 36 hrs a week working at night bringing everyone else’s babies in the world. Every day I go to work and live in these couples’ happiest moments but leave feeling heartbroken, as I continue to be a spectator in everyone else’s game. This has been my dream job since I was a child, and as rewarding and beautiful as this job is, sometimes I feel like I am living in a joke.
This adds a whole new layer of heartache to my journey. However, my silver lining in this hand I have been dealt is that I have met some amazing women who have inspired me to keep pushing. I have the most special place in my heart for every family I take care of that has suffered with infertility. When I help bring to life their once impossible dream, it gives me the extra push I sometimes need. These patients have taught me so much about strength, perseverance and patience.
Patience … we have been trying to conceive our first child for going on 6 years. In a nutshell we have spent approx. $25-30,000 out of pocket, as our insurance covers nothing. We have tried naturally, added numerous medications, received hundreds of shots, completed 10 IUIs, and one round of IVF.
I have been pregnant 3 times, but lost all four babies. 3 of which had heartbeats. We have completed every test to rule out infertility and miscarriage. They have given us both clean bills of health with absolutely no reason why we can’t have or keep a baby. My doctors literally scratch their heads with a complete lack of explanation and boil it down to “bad luck.”
We have exhausted all of our financial options. We have maxed out all credit cards, and are struggling to pay these off. We have borrowed from family and taken out of my retirement. We are quite figuratively destroying our future to try to create one. We both have so much energy and love to give and I know we would be the best parents. I have never quit at anything, I have the spirit of a wild horse, complete determination and the stubbornness of a bull, but I am running dead smack into this brick wall. It is money that is now our biggest barrier.
We have 4 blastocysts waiting on us, but we are struggling to find the means to bring them home. As an outlet in this journey I have turned to the Instagram community where I am inspired daily. This is where I heard about this grant opportunity and felt hope jump right back into my fingers. Having something to hold onto in a world where nothing makes any sense is sometimes the key to putting one foot in front of the other. We are hoping for some good luck, and another opportunity to be parents.
We want to do another embryo transfer again, but we are literally out of money. We are drowning financially, physically, spiritually and mentally. I feel like I am stuck in quick sand in a nightmare I can’t wake up from. Everyone around me is living out their dreams, and my husband and I continue to watch with envy at everyone around us. Not a day goes by I don’t think about having a family.
To have the opportunity to hopefully bring these embryos home to us would be a blessing. We are losing this battle, but I can’t quit fighting, and I cannot give up hope. Thank you for the opportunity.
Krista and Mike – OH